I told mom I want to join a Meetup group for camping this weekend. The weather forecast is good, the campsite is in a popular town in Maine, and the organizers are very kind to lend me a tent. I plan to read or walk around while people go paddling and there will be a pot lot on Saturday night, it will be ‘fun and safe’!
Well, not so in mom’s mind…she questioned who the people are and how many will participate. When she heard that it’s in Maine, ~2.5hr from where I live and I plan to drive up after work on Friday, she felt it’s too far and not safe to go alone. The conversation didn’t become a shouting match but certainly heated up, though in the end, mom said she will ‘respect’ my decision but strongly ‘advise’ me to rethink carefully; neither of us were happy after the call.
After a good night sleep, I thought about the conversation again…I’ve done my homework (of considering/ preparing the trip and asking friends to join) and it’s my decision yet I could communicate it ‘better’. Knowing mom’s ‘worrying’ nature, I should start with ‘assuring’ her it will be a safe trip by showing the reputation of the group, attendance, and town/ campsite condition. I’d then explain though it’s 2.5hr drive, I’ll be driving in bright to and back and I’ve tried to invite others but people have different plans; I can’t ‘wait’ for others to decide what I do. I’d wrap up ‘reassuring’ her that I’ll be careful and call her after return. Meanwhile, I’d just ‘listen’, let mom express what she think/ feel regardless whether I agree; when we have different opinions, it’s better to ‘pause’, not to react under heat and do/ say something I might regret later. Mom might still worry but both of us would feel better.
We can’t change what others think or do, only themselves can yet we can listen and communicate better to facilitate more understanding. Books/ coaching often focus on how to achieve consensus yet it’s a great skill to be able to agree on disagreement while preserving and strengthening the relationship forward.