I was looking for a new home for the past few weeks. I visited one apartment, good location, modern interior, and decent rent. The only problem was a ‘male’ roommate. I had several roommates in the past but all female. Would it work and be safe? I decided to get to know him, S and I ‘asked’ the landlord to connect us. We had a call to start…S is also a busy working professional and sounds energetic, positive, and neat. I’m a bit surprised how many (more) questions he asked me. I took it as a good sign that he pays attention to details and are interested in getting to know each other. I suggested to meet for a coffee, he immediately agreed and we met the next day. He looked as he sounded, having a big smile and positive energy, seemed considerate and honest. I felt more comfortable yet still not 100% sure…
What would others say about him? Though I felt a bit awkward, I decided to ask S if I could ‘talk’ to his current roommate and offered the same if he’d like to talk to mine. S gave his roommate’s # right away and said no need to talk to mine. Well, that’s 2 ‘assurances’ at once – I felt better. I had a call with S’s roommate and heard good comments. He even said S is the only one who actually cleans the house and he is sad to see S moving out…I signed the lease.
We haven’t moved so it’s yet to be seen yet I’ve learned that to simply ‘ask’ even if I felt unsure or uneasy because (1) that’s the only way to find out, (2) the other person may not feel ‘a big deal’ at all and be happy to collaborate. We ‘create’ our own ‘feeling’ which may not be the reality and letting ‘unproven’ things to hold us back doesn’t make sense. Think another way, when we ask, if we get a No, we’re where we are and don’t lose anything yet if it’s a Yes, it opens up new possibilities. There is only upside by asking!