During a presentation, I asked the audience three questions.
“How many of you don’t believe listening is important?”
No hands.
“How many of you don’t know the benefits of listening well?”
Again, no hands.
Finally: “How many of you feel you’re a good listener?”
Slowly, three hands went up in a room of fifteen.
Isn’t that interesting?
Most of us believe listening matters. Most of us understand its benefits.
Yet far fewer of us feel we actually do it well.
Because listening isn’t easy. Without noticing, it’s often disrupted by a few common forces:
Perception
We label others quickly.
If we lean liberal, we may see conservative voices as slow or resistant to change.
If we lean conservative, we may view liberals as reckless or unrealistic.
Listening then turns into selectively collecting evidence that confirms we’re right.
Ego
Whether we admit it or not, we often feel we already know what the other person will say — or believe we know better.
A recruiter once told me, “We know better than our clients, but we try not to show arrogance.”
In those moments, listening becomes tolerance at best, resentment at worst.
Distraction
A typical person speaks about 125 words per minute, while our brains can process up to 500.*
If we’re not intentional, our minds fill the gap with other thoughts — planning, judging, preparing to respond.
Listening quietly turns into waiting to speak.
So how might we listen better?
- Be on the other side
How would it feel to be speaking while no one is truly listening? - Be interested
What might I learn from this person or this moment?
As Dale Carnegie said, “To be interesting, you must first be interested.” - Be present
Multitasking is an illusion. Our minds process one thing at a time.
Trying to squeeze more in often means we retain less — or exhaust ourselves.
When you’re in conversation, remember: we have two ears and one mouth. Be there!
*Source: The Three A’s of Active Listening