I attended a workshop where the co-host opened with a simple question:
“ What do you want to get out of this? ”
One participant said:
“ I want my work to be my life’s work. I don’t know if it really is. I can’t tell if it’s me — or something I picked up from others. ”
With his permission, the co-host asked a few follow-up questions in front of the group. As the conversation unfolded, we heard this:
“ I’m good at impressing people…
If I’m perceived as impressive, I’m valuable.
If I’m not valuable to people, I won’t get paid…
And if I don’t get paid, I can’t survive. ”
Does that sound familiar?
As he spoke, many of us nodded. We’ve been there — trying to impress, seeking validation, equating value with external approval.
But what struck me most was this:
the value wasn’t in how impressive he sounded.
The value was in
- His courage to speak honestly in front of others.
- An environment that made it safe to share—and generous to support growth.
- Questions that helped all of us rethink assumptions we rarely examine.
Two reflections from the audience stayed with me:
- If we want a breakthrough, we often need to break through ourselves — but not by toughening up. Sometimes, it’s by becoming more flexible.
- If we decide something is hard — making money, achieving a goal, or filling what you’ve told yourself — it often becomes hard.
Before trying to ‘add value’ to others, consider giving yourself time and space to reflect and reconnect — so what you offer is truly you and grounded.
How will you add value?